Carol Kinsey Goman is the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.”

It’s not always what you say, but how you say it.

That’s an important understanding for communicators of every ilk. L.M. Dulye & Co. research has proven that the“3 Vs” (Visual, Vocal and Verbal) components of communication are not evenly weighted in terms of human “digestion.”

Data shows that that Visual (expression, eye contact, body language, appearance in general) accounts for a hefty 50 percent of listeners’ reception and interpretation. Vocal (tone, inflection, pace, audibility) accounts for another 40 percent of overall impact while Verbal (the actual message in words) captures only 10 percent of the total dynamic.

Author Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., provides an understanding of how a variety of communicative actions are perceived from those on the receiving end in her book, “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work” (Berrett-Koehler Publishing, San Francisco). 

She explains that while words are important, our brains are actually “hardwired to respond to nonverbal signals” -- and most leaders pay entirely too little attention to the nonverbal vibes they may be giving out. “When your body is not aligned with your verbal message, people believe what they SEE and NOT what you say,” explains Goman.

Imagine the implications! You are literally “talking” to people all the time --- even when your mouth is shut.

Here’s an introductory taste of Goman’s insight:

Head tilting. Goman points out that while head tilting during conversation may suggest that someone is interested and involved, it is also seen as  particularly feminine, and possibly a signal of submission.  “In business dealings with men,” writes Goman, “women should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position….”

Body posture. A “closed” body posture is characterized by folded arms, crossed legs, hiding the hands, turning away from someone. In “open posture” legs are uncrossed, arms are open with palms exposed or relaxed at the side of the body. Individuals with open posture are perceived more positively and are more persuasive to others.

Body leaning.  Leaning back, combined with a closed body posture, suggests disinterest or disagreement; but leaning back with an open posture can suggest contemplation. Leaning forward with a closed posture signals hostility; but leaning forward with an open posture can show interest or agreement.

Body orientation. Gender seems to rule this preference. Men are more comfortable when approached from the side, while women feel at ease when approached in a direct-facing manner.

Elongated eye blinking.  Elongated blinking is an unconscious gesture to exclude others from a conversation. When someone’s eyelids close for more than a second, it is an attempt to block you from their sight. When combined with a backward head, it signals boredom and complete disinterest.

The examples and nuggets of information in Goman’s book go fascinatingly on and on. But the point we’re making here is: The “how” of communication is just as important as the “what” and “why.” Be sure to give due consideration and preparation to the Visual and Vocal components of communications. That’s not suggesting that the Verbal message isn’t important.

It is. But it’s not the whole enchilada.